Gotta Love This One...

Worth A Read..

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John Wilkes Booth

John Wilkes Booth was most famous for the assassination of one of our greatest presidents, Abraham Lincoln.  

Booth was a Confederate sympathizer and an opponent of the abolition of slavery.  Also, judging by the photos, he was also an opponent of hair brushes & moustache combs.

Aha!  But again nepotism rears it's ugly head.  Booth was the son of the Junius Brutus Booth, a noted Shakespearean actor.  (For you young folks out there, a current example of a Shakespearean actor is the old gay dude who plays Magneto in the X Men movies.)

Anyway, many say Booth’s shooting of Lincoln was a desperate act by a man with a faltering career. A less talented actor son of a well respected thespian who lashed out to get national attention.  (I bet Charlie Sheen’s ears are burning right now)

The assassination did work to some degree.  Booth's knowledge of Ford Theater and his famous leap onto the stage after killing Lincoln garnered worldwide publicity.   The image of the assassination soon went viral.  (Of course, there was no You Tube in 1865, so by viral I meant “spread cholera.”)

 Never  before were so many people so memorized by such an atrocity. Was kinda like a 19^th Century “Jersey Shore.”

Unfortunately, Booth was hoping to receive many more acting offers after the leap, but he didn't. He was killed by a Union soldier soon after the assassination.  Of course, as every Hollywood agent will tell you, that unless you're Tupac, being dead really tends to slow your career trajectory.

Like this one...

Tori Spelling

Tori Spelling!  Now that's a gifted actress for you.  No matter that her father, Aaron, was one of the richest men in Hollywood and had a house larger than some Eastern European countries.  All from creating such forgettable shows like Beverly Hills 90210, The Love Boat & and T.J. Hooker.  T.J Hooker, by the way, miraculously beat the Priceline commercials as the most embarrassing thing William Shatner has ever done.

Dad Aaron Spelling even gave Tori a starring role on 90210, where in most scenes, she was out acted by Luke Perry's sideburns.

Now that her acting career is mostly on hold (thankfully), Tori and her husband, Dean, are following Rick Santorum's advice and giving up birth control.

She does have one TV gig, though.  Tori & her husband star in the reality show about their family. The show's name is Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood.  A better title would have been "Spoiled  Anorexic Yenta & Vapid Canadian Who Refuses To Wear Condoms."

  And I'm sure she gets to be a stay-at-home mom when she chooses.  No job with regular hours for this princess.  I heard her hero was Ann Romney, Mitt's wife, who "chose" to stay home and raise her five sons.  Well, at least she's admitted she's pro-choice.  Her husband cannot even make a choice (Except the choice to look kinda douchey) 

So give it up for Tori Spelling, who has Aaron Spelling's blood and apparently, a plastic surgeon who seems to specialize in making faces look uber-cunty.

Kate Hudson

No!   Kate Hudson was not a descendent of Henry Hudson. Perhaps you thought she was famous Rock Hudson's daughter.  (If you did, Google “Rock Hudson’s sex life” and you’ll find out quickly it was biologically impossible for this dude to procreate.)

Maybe the fact that her mother is Goldie Hawn from the unfunny 1960's 'Laugh-In' and a series of very average movies for over thirty years had some influence. Not familiar with Hawn? Then rent Hawn flick 'Overboard' or better yet, put on TBS at 3AM any day of the week and it’ll be on.

 Goldie eventually moved in with Kurt Russell (Overboard co-star), who Kate considers her actual father.  A talentless actress raised by two huge movie stars and given the key to fame in Hollywood. (The worst part is, I’ll be saying same thing  about Shiloh Jolie-Pitt or Suri Cruise in the year 2024.)

In the last decade, after a promising start in ‘Almost Famous’, Hudson starred in a never-ending precession of awful Rom-Coms such as "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days", "My Best Friend's Girl", and "Bride Wars". Some of these movies also starred the talentless, shirtless pothead freak Matt Mcconaughey. (Not exactly sure which ones, but I’m too lazy to check on IMDB, so just trust me.) 

Also Hudson’s reverse Midas touch extended to the world of sports.  She dated Alex Rodriguez, 3^rd basemen for the NY Yankees. Years ago, A-Rod was an incredible 'five tool' player & future Hall Of Famer.  After just a few months with Hudson,  A-Rod was exposed as a 'roid head, and became a player who chokes so much in big game situations, the Yankees actually trained their first base coach on how give the Heimlich Maneuver.  A-Rod is no longer a  'five tool' player, he’s just a plain tool.  

 Nice going Kate Hudson.  Or should I just call you Kate Hawn Russell Jr?

Says It All...

Mia Farrow

I'm going to start off in a positive vein.  I believe Mia Farrow far surpasses Diane Keaton in the variety and depth of her roles in Woody Allen's movies.  To compare her performances in "Broadway Danny Rose" and "Hannah and Her Sisters", for example,explains it all.

However, she wasn't exactly un-connected in Hollywood.  Her father John Farrow, was an acclaimed director.  Her mother Maureen O'Sullivan was the original Jane in Tarzan movies.

John and Maureen had seven children together.   They reared them in a very traditional Roman Catholic home.  I guess that's why Mia picked Frank Sinatra, almost thirty years her senior to be her first husband.  After all, he had once won the Catholic Father of the Year Award.  That was right before he left his wife to screw Ava Gardner.  Talk about Woody Allen and young girls.

From Frank she moved on to the famous composer, Andre Previn, whose wife Dory wrote a scathing book about how Mia broke up her marriage.  A young vixen.

With a couple of days with nothing to do, she moved in with Woody Allen, with whom she did have one biological child as well as touring the world to find other children to adopt.  After all, there were no needy children in this country, who might have benefitted from millionaire parents. 

Apparently, she was the role model for the adopted daughter, that eventually married Woody.  After all, she only married old men.  She just forgot to marry Mr. Allen because her religious up-bringing didn't mention anything about "living in sin." 

As they say, "What goes around cums (I mean comes) around."

Girls. More Like Daddy's Girls...

Not mine.  But love this...

Greg Kelly

Riddle- When is a rape not a rape?
Answer- When the accused rapist is the son of a police commissioner.

That's right folks. The man who currently co-hosts the Fox tv show "Good Day New York" has just squeaked out of a
potentially sticky situation.Greg Kelly, son of the New York City police commissioner Ray Kelly, is the person of interest here.
Apparently some deranged stalker decided to audition for a role in Fatal Attraction 2 by reporting to the police that Mr. Kelly
raped and impregnated her at an office party. But since she never got around to telling anyone about it for a few months, the
charges have been dropped. There seems to be evidence of some canoodling however. Not to worry- Daddy Ray will make it all
go away. Kind of like the way he disappears the  records of his "stop and frisk"  and racial profiling programs.

But let's give Greg Kelly his due. His experience as a marine jet pilot and as an imbedded war journalist make him eminently qualified
to command a Today show clone. Why at any time he may be called upon to take an intrepid stab at preparing deviled eggs or
to make an a valiant speculation about which starlet is sleeping with Aston Kutcher. And of course it doesn't hurt that is father is Ray Kelly.

Gwyneth Paltrow

Oh shit!  How did someone with the name Gwyneth Paltrow get so famous?

I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that her mother, Blythe Danner, was a respected film and stage actress and her father, Bruce, was a producer and director of such TV shows as "St. Elsewhere." For you kids out there, St. Elsewhere was a medical drama that could be described as a shitty version of "Grey's Anatomy" if "Grey's Anatomy" wasn't already a shitty version of "Grey's Anatomy.”

After winning an Oscar for a film that was almost as awful "The English Patient," (See "Shakespeare In Love." Actually, come to think of it, DONT SEE "Shakespeare in Love."), she moved on to such notables as "Shallow Hal", "Austin Powers in Goldmember" and "Country Strong" in which she attempted to jump start her career and become the next Taylor Swift.  Unfortunately she didn't sing like that famous Taylor. She sang more like another famous Taylor- Former NY Giants linebacker Lawrence Taylor.

As Gweneth's career took a nose dive, she appeared on the home of diva has-beens, "Glee."  I guess after annoying the crap out of every other demographic, Gweneth realized she hadn't yet annoyed the crap out of tweens & gay dudes.

"Glee" didn't work so she appeared on the Grammys, singing and lying on a piano in an attempt to be the next Aretha Franklin. This didn't work, but only because if Aretha was ever caught lying on a piano, she'd break that shit in half

In her earlier days, she star-fucked Brad Pitt and Ben Affleck.  But eventually she “settled down” with average guy Chris Martin of Coldplay and had two children named Apple and Moses. Coldplay's depressing Emo Musak must have damaged her child-naming abilities.  I mean, how do you go from a fruit to the guy who brought us the Ten Commandments? (To be fair, have you ever seen pictures of Moses?  The guy did look a bit fruity.)

Reports say she will be on the cover of Harper's Bazaar, attempting to be the newest sex symbol of our generation.  Unfortunately for Paltrow, it's March 2012 Harper's and not the March 1998 Harper's.

Finally, when you’re talking about Paltrow you have to mention her god awful website GOOP.  The site, from what I can make of it, primarily exists to make poor people feel bad about themselves.  GOOP, if you didn’t know, gives tips on how to sustain an obnoxiously healthy lifestyle for you and your family for somewhere around $190,000 a day.  If she were alive today I think even Marie Antoinette would call Paltrow out-of touch.  As for me, I’d just prefer to GOOP on Gweneth for creating such an awful pretentious site.

Andrew Cuomo

At first glance one would think that Andrew Cuomo is a clone of his celebrated father Mario, renowned governor of New York  from 1983 to 1994. Mario was the champion of popular causes and was thought to be a contender in the 1992 presidential race but demurred, perhaps because of  rumored mafia connections. (Mario's pick of a bloody horse's head as his running mate probably didn't help dispel the rumors)

Although Andrew looks and sounds like his prominent dad, this clone  has the similitude of Number 4 in the film "Multiplicity", where clones of Michael Keaton became paler and shittier as their number increased. (Sorry to anyone who hasn't seen that Michael Keaton movie, but the analogy just doesn't work with "Beetlejuice.")

 From the beginning, Mario's spawn Andrew  has been on the fast track to success, serving as an assistant district attorney, lawyer at a prestigious law firm, and head of HUD during the Clinton administration, where he promoted Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac (and we all know how that went). He even married a Kennedy, whom he later dumped. (To be fair, marrying & f**king over a Kennedy has become a rite of passage in any fledgling political career.  (See Arnold Schwarzenegger)

His election as New York Attorney General elevated his career and empowered the Democratic party to force the beleaguered  African -American and  visually challenge incumbent governor  David Patterson  out the door to make way for Andrew, which, by the way, also ended Saturday Night Live's hilarious Fred Armisen impression (A bigger tragedy in my book.  SNL's funny batting average has been pretty low lately)

 As governor, while pretending to be a man of the people, he is actually the darling of the fat-cats on Wall Street, which  is important, because Wall Street really needs a politician that defends their interests all costs..  So congrats Gov Andrew Cuomo, son of  Gov Mario Cuomo.  I haven't seen such a nepotistic political dynasty from a dude named Mario since Super Mario Bros’ Luigi was appointed to ambassador to Luxembourg. 

LMFAO

If you were near any club, radio, mp3 player, or I-turd that played cheesy , safe feux hip-hop this summer, you couldn’t escape LMFAO.    This group, led by DJs  Redfoo  & SkyBlu  (great names for Gatorade Ice flavors, not so much for rappers) lit up the charts with their overplayed single Party Rock Anthem.  Even though the song sounded like a something that belongs in a Zumba fitness informerical, it put LMFAO on the map. Of course,  DJs Redfoo (Stefan Kendal Gordy) & SkyBlu  (Skyler Austen Gordy) probably would’ve gotten there anyway. Why? Possibly because of their biological relations to Berry Gordy.  You know, Berry Gordy, the guy that FOUNDED MOTOWN RECORDS.  I’m going out on a limb to say that LMFAO are not as talented as the Temptations or Supremes.

Also, this isn’t the first time it happened. Rockwell (born Kennedy William Gordy) scored a hit in 1984’s “Somebody’s Watching Me.”  You know the awful song that was only made decent because Michael Freaking Jackson sang the slightly catchy chorus. Gee, I wonder how they got him to do that? Oh yeah, now I remember. His dad INVENTED MOTOWN!

If you didn’t already know, LMFAO comes from text lingo & means “Laughing My F-ing Ass Off.”  Which the Gordy’s kids are doing, at the expense of all unknown (& actually talented) hip-hop groups, with no family connections.

Rooney Mara

In the past few years, the most sought after role in Hollywood was of Lisbeth Salander , the hero of "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo."  While many big movie stars auditioned for the part, producers cast a relative unknown, Rooney Mara, in the coveted role.  Problem is, Mara isn't such an unknown. Not to football fans anyway.  This "actress" is the a great-granddaughter of the founders of two historic N.F.L. franchises--the NY Giants and the Pittsburgh Steelers:  Tim Mara & Art Rooney . (I'm not sure how f*ck she has the name of both grandparents-kinda creepy.)


 The  Mara's & Rooneys still own these teams, which means, of course, Rooney Mara comes from money.  Big money.  Big, I'm really f-ing jealous of money. While the N.F.L. and Hollywood are two different entities, how much would you bet some free corporate box Superbowl seats were sent over to the "Girl" casting director in exchange for Rooney Mara's "audition."


 Girl With The Dragon Tattoo?  More like "Girl Who Won The Sperm Lottery."

Nepotism News

This website will be devoted entirely to highlight cases of nepotism. Why?  To dispel the fantasy that working hard and playing fair is the recipe of success. Unfortunately, 95% of the time,  it's more about a person being born into the right situation, class or social structure. The nepotistic person hasn't earned anything, and even may have some skills, but only got those skills from being educated in the best schools. Some of these people, however, have no skills whatsoever. (Ex. anyone with the last name Kardashian)

This site will expose examples of nepotism on semi-daily basis. Which means, of course, I'll do a lot of shitting on celebrities (which is always fun).  Hopefully you'll enjoy this blog.. If not, you're probably one of those asshole nepotism cases anyway.